Practicing What I Preached

Practice what you preach.
Practice what you preach.
Practice what you preach.

It was like these words wouldn't leave me alone. They echoed through my heart and head and mind. Sometimes I felt like I could even hear them out loud.

I knew things.

I could sense things.

I knew that things weren't exactly right.

That they were good. Fine. Lovely, even! I was focused on "growth." I had things going.

Good relationship. Good job. Good people. Good money.

But I knew it wasn't right.

Not right as in - right or wrong. But right as in RIGHT.

Right as in: The way that it would need to look and be, if I were really living right and true to me.

This is worth repeating:
I KNEW that my life was not the way that it would be if I were REALLY living true to me.

If I wasn't going to be who I was, if I wasn't going to get out of my own freaking way, if I wasn't going to ACTUALLY step up... I was going to look back and know I missed out. Missed out on living. Missed out on time. Missed out on going all in. Missed out on doing the damn thing that I knew there was for me to do.

It was one thing to talk about my dreams.

It was one thing to kinda, sorta, dabble, in a way that made "sense" -- you know, in a common place way. In a way that showed just enough action that I was still "in" on my dreams but always in some kind of elusive, out-there fashion. Getting kinda, sorta, closer, a little bit. Here. There. Just enough to whet my appetite for the whole thing.

You know, trick myself into believing I was REALLY GOING FOR IT.

But deep down I knew. [You always know.]

I knew I wasn't really going for it. I knew if I was, my life would look in the MOMENT exactly how I wanted it to.

But instead I was sitting around half-assing my way around my life, claiming that I was just "putting in the time" for me to finally "earn the reward" of whatever dream was out there for me to live. One day. If I did it all just perfectly enough.

And quite frankly: I couldn't stand the thought.

Because what I PREACHED was that you could actually LIVE out your big dreams!
What I PREACHED was that you could aim high, go big, live large.
What I PREACHED was that your work could be your mission.
What I PREACHED was that you didn't have to wait another day in your life to be who you really are.
What I PREACHED was you could be, do and have it all and that your life didn't need to feel separated into neat little categories.

But there I was: Out of touch with my own reality. Out of touch with my own message.

And it was just time. Time for me to stop trying to hide behind things. Stop trying to pick up a new, relatively easy, project or goal to keep me preoccupied. It was time to stop looking for answers and solutions and easy outs.

What it was really time for me to do was to stop trying to make everything and everyone else work for ME. And for me to put in my own damn work!

I had to stop believing that if I could just line up all the dominoes "just so" in my life then - eventually! - I could sit back and watch my ideal life unfold.

I had to stop believing that the way my goals and dreams would be actualized was by getting everything and everyone around me to conform to me.

And I had to start living out the one message I preached the loudest:

You are in control of your own life.

In every situation.

So I committed. I committed to doing the work of living out that message. I didn't have the slightest clue what it would take, but I was willing.

I wasn't going to sit around another day or another week or another year and say I wanted this, that, or the other and not actually SHOW UP for MYSELF and do exactly what there was to do everyday to move, relentlessly, in the direction of my dreams.

I had no idea at the time what I would end up asking of myself.

[But when you commit, your soul will lead. As is said: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.]

First, it said: Leave the real estate gig. You know, the successful business you've been working on for 5 years. Just, let that go.

Then it said: Leave the marriage. You know, the one you have been in for 6 years. The one that millions of people have paved the path for your right to even be able to do (marry a woman.) Just, let that go.

Followed by: Leave your hometown. You know, the one filled with familiar faces and familiar places. The one that feels comfortable and safe. Just, let that go.

And there was more. [I’ll share more.] So many things to let go of. But I listened. I listened to all of it. I threw a fit sometimes (okay, a lot of the time,) but I listened.

It's one thing when you set goals you know you will reach, and it feels like everyone is cheering you on.

It's an entirely other thing when you start to see something no one else sees. And you start to look at the only one who can draw that vision into reality: the one in the mirror.

Talk about really living!
Talk about the adventure of a lifetime!
Talk about being and doing and having NOW instead of waiting or wishing for another day.

It's all yours, baby.

I share unfiltered, uncut, audio, straight from the heart of this place in the new podcast series I put out, Letting Go & Letting In -- available on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify and all the other places podcasts are available.

(Oh, just wait for all the things I DIDN'T share in the podcast. It gets better.)